Unemployment, Vacations and Cucumbers

I filed for unemployment today. The last time I did that was when I was pregnant with Mackenna (more than 12 years ago). It has been so long that the Employment Security Commission is now completely computerized. I did not even have to leave the comfort of my own home, let alone stand in any lines. I love modern technology.

I have been feeling a lot of anxiety lately. I guess there are contributing factors. Nortel filing for chapter 11 and Vince and I sitting on the edge of our seats about his job could be a big one. The fact that we are keeping this news from Mackenna could be another one (she doesn't need any additional stress in her life right now).

We had promised Mackenna that we would take her snorkeling during her February track out. Then I got laid off but we did not want to disappoint her so I found this amazing deal and went for it. A 7 day cruise from Charleston to the Bahamas for $359 or something (and Mackenna is 1/2 price since she is the 3rd in our cabin).

However, now, I am second guessing myself, especially since the whole Nortel fiasco began. Of course I paid for the trip cancellation insurance because we have a crazy unpredictable life but after scouring the policy tonight I don't think we can get out of it. So now I am anxious about going away too. I am worried about it being too cold to even snorkel in the Bahamas, I am worried about all sorts of things. The list is long. I know it is dumb because they are things that I thought about and rationalized before I spent the money but now that the trip is around the corner and there will be additional expenses (like beverages... even soft drinks and the actual cost of snorkeling), I am feeling guilty and anxious.

I used to be such a calm person. I used to be cool as a cucumber. I love cucumbers.