Enjoying Learning Something New for the First Time

I apparently corrected the previous technical difficulties but I had no idea that it would result in such a long email. I apologize for any inconvenience.

I can honestly say that I am enjoying learning something new for the first time in my life. That must mean that I am supposed to be doing this, huh?

It is sad, when I think back the to rest of my life and career, when I had to learn new things, I really did not enjoy that part very much. I enjoyed being good at things. Of course, who doesn't? But I honestly dreaded the task of actually learning new skills.

I guess that must be why I never liked school and usually choose to prioritize everything over school in my life. I know people that had much more complicated lives than I did and got advanced degrees. You have to give people like that a lot of credit.

It took me until now to have this realization but I am glad I have had it. I am even more glad that I am finally enjoying learning. Because I have so much to learn and I am finally having fun.

Today I had lunch with a gentleman that I used to work with several years ago, who chose to move on and start his own company. I was encouraged by several people that I genuinely respect to have lunch with him because I was told that "he is the smartest man" they knew. By the end of the lunch, I think I have to agree.

In our brief time together I learned things that I did not even know that I needed to learn and I enjoyed the discussion. I already knew that I had a lot to learn about non profit management and although I started the discussion this way, he encouraged me that he was sure I was already well on my way to educating myself. By the end of our meeting, we reached his area of expertise and I realized that I also have a lot to learn about Market Research, Marketing, Public Relations, Advertising, Graphic Arts, etc. Most importantly, I realized that I need to learn the difference between all of these types of resources and what they do because although I thought I already knew that information, I realized I was wrong. I also realized that this is another reason why it is so is important to continue to network and find resources to help me.

Most importantly, I realized that I am enjoying adding this new information to my brain.

I have frequently heard the term "finding your glee". This is coming to mind tonight because I feel like this is where I am. I feel that, in this career, the path God chose to put me on after Colleen's death, I have found my "glee". However, although I have heard this phase before, I wanted to look it up before I used it in my blog tonight. I looked up glee at dictionary.com and this is what I found for the first definition....

glee (n) - open delight or pleasure; exultant joy; exultation.

After an unbearably painful life experience, I HAVE found my glee. Today, this makes me happy and thankful.

Why are you thankful? I encourage you to think about it, and vocalize it before the strike of midnight on Wednesday.

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Technical Difficulties & Confusion... Hopefully are at an end

Several people have emailed me that they are not getting an email when I update the blog. I have put new updates out here many times (7 in December to be exact) so it has taken a few tries but I hopefully have finally identified and resolved the problem today. If I have, you received an email which brought you here. If that is the case, I encourage you to read back through a few past blog messages, especially to my December 25th message which contains a challenge for you while you consider you New Years resolution (if you are the type that makes a resolution.... or heck, if if you aren't). You can see all of the previous messages by going to the archive section in the pane on the left.

The second area that I wanted to touch on was possible confusion about the different websites. I have received a couple questions about the difference between CaringBridge, Striving For Grace and Striving for More. It makes perfect sense to me but it is probably pretty scary to be inside my head, I admit. So, I thought I would lay it all out for everyone so that it is clear. The CaringBridge site was the journal of Colleen's illness. After she died, I did not feel that it was meant for me to continue keeping that alive so, after she died, I put that to rest too. I have a link to it in the Links section on the left if anyone wants to go back and read through parts or all of it to get the history (it is all there... the long story that brought us to this point in our lives.).

Striving for Grace is my personal blog. And right now, I am journaling my life as I work to open a national non profit foundation called "Striving for More" in honor of Colleen and all that we have been through. I am in the process of becoming incorporated, and shortly, www.striving4more.org will be up and running as the website for that non profit association. It may or may not have its on blog (that is yet to be determined).

I hope that clears things up for everyone. Have a wonderful Sunday and I will talk with you all soon.

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Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas! I hope everyone had a blessed day. We have spent a nice couple of days with family. Vince's father (Pop-Pop), step mother (Miss Darlene) and sister (Aunt Val) arrived yesterday evening while I was at church. They were here to enjoy Christmas morning with us which was very nice. This afternoon, we had dinner at my sister Marion's home with her family and my Mom (Grandma).

Today, was a day full of distractions. However, Colleen was never far from my thoughts. Her empty stocking hung from our chimney and her ashes were perched on the highest shelf in the living room where we opened our presents. In the back of my mind, I continue to dwell on the fact that I am upset about the the number of children who are impacted by cancer and I want to do anything I can to help them. Not only by the work that I am doing to start the foundation but in any other way that I can.

According to Candlelighters.org, cancer remains the number one disease killer of America's children, more than Cystic Fibrosis, Muscular Dystrophy, Asthma and AIDS combined. Each school day, 46 children are diagnosed with cancer.

I mistakenly thought that leukemia was something that children were commonly cured of. And although modern medicine may have made improvements in the treatment of this type of cancer, I have sadly met too many grieving mothers that have lost their children to leukemia.

So, during this week as you start to think about the approaching New Year, I am throwing out a challenge. What can you do to help children with cancer during 2009? Obviously, I would like you to support www.striving4more.org when I am ready to begin accepting donations during the next couple of months. However, there is other things that can be done in the meantime and some can be done without opening your wallet or writing a check. So what will you do?

Vince and I plan on shaving out heads during the St. Baldrick's event at Napper Tandy's in Raleigh on March 7th. I started a Striving4More team in honor of Colleen. Check it out here. Sign up to shave your head, donate to our team or, if you are local, just come by the pub to support us.

I am going to register with the National Marrow Donor Registry. It is a painless process and it could save a life. Check it out here.

So as I end this day of extravagance and blessings, I am thinking about what I can do for kids with cancer. I pray you will do the same. Until next time. Good Night.

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A New Board Member!

Yesterday was a very busy day but ended on a high note for me. I am sure everyone is busy this time of year. Trying to finish up last minute errands before Christmas is here. I have had 99% of my shopping done for quite some time now. I do most of it on the internet (using discount coupon codes and never paying for shipping of course). This is the way I have been doing it for years. Then I make one or two trips out to the discount stores or the mall and remind myself why I do it the other way. What a mad house these stores become. For the social being that I am, I don't like the crowds of people that are in the stores. I would rather be home with my family. I do, on the other hand, end up coming up with some last minute project that I decide that I have to complete before Christmas which requires some special products or ingredients that result in me visiting 4 or 5 stores. Why do I do this to myself? Because I am a gluten for punishment and even though I am an intelligent human being, I never seem to learn from my mistakes when it comes to things like this. And because, in the end, I truly enjoy the art of giving at Christmas, especially when I can come up with the perfect hand made gift that I know will truly move someone.

This craft search was how I ended my day. A check up with the doctor and lunch with a good friend is how I began my day. The most satisfying part of the day came in the afternoon when I was able to hear the magic words of "I would be honored to be on your board" from someone I really respect. I will announce every one's names when we are all officially incorporated but for now, suffice it say that the Director of Pastoral Care from a different hospital than what we already have represented on the board has accepted a board position on Striving for More. This is wonderful because it adds representation to the board for one of the important elements to Psychosocial Services, spiritual care.

I am so happy how everything is going. I truly feel like this project has been anointed by God and that He is helping every step of the way. At times things don't happen as quickly as I like and there are times that I do not have all of the knowledge that I need to take the next steps but acquiring the necessary knowledge is also making the journey much more interesting. I was not learning a whole lot at my past position and I was starting to get bored. I am finding this very exciting and I am trying to be patient. (However, I am not asking anyone to pray for patience for me... let me be perfectly clear about that.) I did that once in my life and it is not something I will likely pray for again. Those of you who have prayed for patience in the past are chuckling right now because you know most likely learned the hard lesson too. God helps you with patience by making you wait even longer for things.

I bumped into several friends from Baileywick Elementary School yesterday. It was so nice to see them. I am also having lunch next week with Mrs. Risinger who was Colleen and Mackenna's 3rd grade teacher and we all love her so much. I know some people from Baileywick know about this blog but I found that some had not even heard about it so I would appreciate it if those of you who know about it would pass the word. The Baileywick family was a big part of our lives, was an amazing support during Colleen's journey and remains in our hearts.

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An emotional roller coaster of a week.

It has been eight days since I last blogged. I am sorry about that.

Sunday (12/14) was Colleen's 10th birthday. We approached the day with dread wondering how we would deal with it. We talked about it as a family, planning for it. We decided that a cake didn't feel right. Mackenna said that eating Macaroni and Cheese and hot dogs had to be the meal of the day and we all agreed wholeheartedly. For anyone that has been following Colleen's CaringBridge I am sure you are smiling at that decision. Colleen would not have had it any other way. Colleen was not a big desert kid. She didn't like most candy or chocolate but her favorite thing was Reese's Peanut Butter cups. So, we decided that each year, we would make a different recipe with Reese's. This year, Peanut Butter Cookies were selected. All of our visitors have been offered one of Colleen's birthday cookies and it makes them smile (at least on the outside).

On Monday, I joined a new grief group that was recommended by an old colleague of Vince's. It is a small group of women who either have lost their children to cancer or are currently fighting the battle. The woman who hosts it now, lives here in Raleigh and has lost one child to Leukemia and has a second child in remission. I enjoyed meeting the other ladies since they were all different parts of their journey and I felt that I could learn from them all. For example, one woman said that the days leading up to the first holidays (such as Christmas) are far worse than the actual holiday themselves and if you can surround yourself with family and friends to distract yourself, it will turn out to be not as bad as you thought it would be. This Christmas, Vince's Father, Step-Mother, and sister are all coming on Christmas eve. This will be the first time that they will be here to share Christmas morning with us and we are all excited about that.

As for Striving for More, I made what I feel is huge progress this week! I have officially hired a corporate attorney (David McKenzie) and I really like him. He and his paralegal both have their Masters in Divinity and their JD (which JD by the way stands for Juris Doctor and means you are an attorney. I have asked about 10 people what that meant in the last week and nobody knew so I just looked it up.). In fact, Jason, his paralegal, worked counseling people with cancer when he was getting his MDiv. I really feel this is the law firm I am supposed to be with. Everything felt right about it. It is just a good feeling you have when you know it is right. They said that I should be incorporated within a week or two and then I should be able to start raising money because my non profit status will be retroactive to the date of incorporation. It was interesting, during my intake interview, Jason (the paralegal) asked what my profession was. I just gave him a blank stare. He said "Do you me to help you with that?" I said, "I would love help with that.". He said you are a Social Entrepreneur. On the way out of their office he handed me some paperwork and said here is some reading material about your profession. What a great office with terrific men, thanks Jason. Apparently Duke has a Center for the Advancement of Social Entrepreneurship.

My next focus is 2 meetings with potential board members (one today) and one after Christmas and to get the website up and running. Here is a question for you. When you think of "Striving for More" What image comes to mind? I have been pouring over images and cannot seem to find one that captures the essence of message. I am looking for a banner image for the website. It can either be a simple image like a butterfly (for example) or a banner image like a sky. I would love to hear from you all if you have suggestions. I go out to these stock photo databases and I don't even know what to search for.

Jill Balogh comes to many of the meetings with me. She is going to be the foundations treasurer. She has held that role for many community nonprofits (swim teams, marching bands, PTAs, etc.). She also retired from IBM after more than 20 years there. I am working on coming up with a title for her in this organization because she is like my right hand woman. I haven't come up with anything yet. I am open to suggestions.

I know those of you who read Colleen's CaringBridge journal read about her visits but probably did not know that back story. When I saw that the psychosocial care was a gap for Colleen and that she was keeping things from me (to protect me), I decided that Colleen needed someone in her life that she could connect to and share with. Someone who had similar spiritual values as I do and someone who had a quiet presence. I invited two people over to spend time with her. My friend Jill and my friend Kai. Each of them came over and spent time with her just talking and playing games and sometimes just being quiet. It gave her an opportunity to open up if she felt she needed to. It might sound like an easy job but it was a huge commitment on their part because when I asked them to do this, we knew she was dying and they were committing to developing a stronger, deeper relationship with a child who was going to die so they were committing to having their heart broken even deeper. For that sacrifice I will never forget them. They filled gap that trained hospital professionals were not there to fill for my child and I am forever in their debt.

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Information often leads to challenges...

In our house, Tuesday, December 9th was Mackenna's birthday with mostly happy birthday discussions and memories. At least for Mackenna and I. On Wednesday, I was opening the daily mail and I received a grief support letter that started by with something along the lines of "Colleen has been gone six months now..." and it hit me. Tuesday, December 9th was also the six month anniversary of Colleen's death. I said something to Vince and he said that "he didn't want to ruin my day". It was apparent that he had been thinking about it. I am pretty sure that my Mom had remembered too but it was too late to call her and what if she hadn't? I guess this is another example of how people grieve differently because I have not been counting the months (although it doesn't feel like it has been six). However, it makes me feel so bad when I realize that people I love suffer on days like that and I don't remember it so that I can support them properly. With that said, I live by my calendar and I don't want to go writing reminders on my calendar. I am open to suggestions if anyone has been through a similiar situation.

As for my efforts to establish Striving for More, I spoke to the second attorney last night. I had a really good conversation with him and I will meet with next week. I have begun completing my rough draft of the Form 1023 (Application for Recognition of Exemption). I am on page 7 of 28 which should make me feel good. However, many of the questions that I skipped over require me to go back and write paragraph long answers. Everyone says that this is the most difficult part of the process. I would like to have this part done, in rough draft before I see the attorney so that I know where all of my questions are.

It is helping me in other ways too. For example, I now know that if Vince or another family member were to serve on the board, that would make it more complicated (we have no desire for that, it is just an example). It has also encouraged me to think through other concepts such as the idea of accepting automobiles as donations. Do I have any volunteers that could manage that for me. Well, a little thought and one phone call later and it turns out that I do so it can be considered. These are just examples of how this form triggers lots of other thoughts, discussions and decisions. For the most part, I am thinking it through, having some initial discussions and I will review with the attorney, as long as things don't complicate the establishment of the organization, I will set it up with flexibility and then leave the decisions for the board.

Speaking of the board... I am actively pursuing board members right now. One of the potential board members that I had who was the President of a Financial Planning Company found out from his compliance department that he cannot be on our board and handle the Foundations funds. So now I have 4 board members including me and I need 7.

A good board member is passionate about the purpose of the foundation and has the desire and ability to help promote it through their time, talents and/or treasures. A good board member can attract interest and excitement and prestige to the organization. Having people on the board who have varying abilities like bankers, commercial real estate agents, attorneys, CPAs, CEOs, etc. brings a useful knowledgebase to board discussions as well as the ability to tap into their professional networks for fundraising. I do not expect board members (besides me) to have to make a significant time commitment. Board members do not need to be local. The current board has two local people, a physician from Duke and a CEO from RTP, NC as well as a physician from TX. I am still pursuing a physician from PA.

If you have a suggestion of someone you think would fit the criteria that I set forth above, or you are interested yourself, I would love to hear from you.

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Back to Work and Learned a Lot Today

I had a good weekend visiting with my friends Candi and Jimmy who visited from New Jersey. They helped to get me out of my slump. My week is going well so far. I dropped Candi and Jimmy off at the airport on Monday.


I finally found an ergonomically correct, stylish and inexpensive desk and file cabinet for my home office so that I can be productive without a back ache. I have been searching for months without any luck and today I finally found one and it was only a few miles away.


This morning, I had my first consultation with an attorney. She is affiliated with a very swanky firm downtown but she was great. She specializes in nonprofits and I learned a lot. It seems that my biggest challenge right now is going to be to find a couple more board members. I have to have board members and officers in place prior to filing forms with the IRS. Since I am hoping to be able to be paid some sort of salary from the foundation in the future, she suggested that I have 5-7 board members including me. Well, if you include me, right now, I have 5 definite and one possible. The one possible is the psychologist and I think it is important to have a board member representing one of the psychosocial services so I am going to work on that. In the meantime, I have to work on the rough draft of the 1023 form which is a federal form for the IRS which is 28 pages long. The attorney that I spoke to today explained that the process will take 3-4 months from the time that we submit the form into the IRS. So it will most likely be April or May before Striving for More is officially a non profit. The good news is that the non profit status is retroactive from the time that you file so I can start fund raising. However, she said that most corporations will not donate unless you can show them your certificate so it most likely will not be successful except for individuals and small businesses that know you personally. She also explained that although it is hard to estimate, her fee will cost approximately $4K-$5K and that does not include the $750 federal filing fees.


There is one other attorney that I am going to speak to that was recommended by a friend of the family. He gave our friend a lower estimate. I just need to make sure that I feel comfortable with him and his experience and that he is including everything that she was. If so, I may go in that direction. Not sure at this point because I really liked her today.


Today is Mackenna's 12th birthday. Vince took her and two of her friends to Frankie's Fun House on Saturday and then we had them over to the house for cake. This evening, we went out to dinner and then to Maggie Moos for dessert (her favorite). She seemed to enjoy the evening even though it was just us. We seemed to be getting used to the new quiet there is with just the three of us now.


Other than that... for now, we are all busy and distracted with the daily drama of busy lives.


I sign the paperwork for my job at Sony Ericsson and hand it in this week. Next week, I head to the unemployment office. Vince and I worked on our budget. We are praying that I can continue this journey without having to take a "real job". I really feel that God is leading me on this journey and that the money situation will work out. Sometimes it is just hard to remember that every second of every day. Please pray for our peace regarding that situation.

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A Slow Week

It has been a slow week for me as far as productivity goes. Mostly because I have been taken down by some sort of stomach bug which has resulted in not eating, lots of sleeping and a constant headache. I have gotten a bit of reading and web surfing done here and there and a few phone calls but that is about it. When you don't eat for 4 days, it takes a toll on your energy.

I did successfully correspond with two attorneys. I have a consultation appointment to speak to one on Monday and the other suggested that I read a book to better prepare myself for the process (and therefore save myself some money) so I ordered the book he suggested and it should arrive today (I love Amazon prime). In addition, I have had one or two other attorneys suggestions and I may pursue them, if needed, after I get the book and spend a bit of time on it. (I made the appointment before the book suggestion was made.)

I have had several suggestions that we should have named the non profit "Striving for Moore" with two "o"s in honor of Colleen. Don't think it wasn't discussed. It was. However, it is our goal that this organization turn into something so huge that the person that goes out to find the website would not know anything about Colleen until they arrive at the website and read about our history. If we named it Striving for Moore, they would have some trouble finding us, and we wouldn't want that. I have thought about registering the additional domains to include the spelling with two "o"'s but I am currently using money out of my own unemployed pocket and I already registered ten domains and I did not want to spend the extra money on that. It is a sweet tribute, however. We will be sure, when we get the official website up and running to pay tribute to Colleen in an appropriate way.

I have started feeling better today so I think I may finally be getting over my stomach troubles. As a result of some returning energy, I decided that I would like to better prepare the house for some guests that are arriving tomorrow.

My best friend from NJ (who was also my Matron of Honor), Candi and my oldest friend from NJ (who I have known since we were both in diapers and went to school together since Kindergarten), Jimmy are coming into town this weekend. I am really excited. I have been very depressed this week and I am looking forward to their arrival as I have a lot of fun with them and I am sure that their visit will help not only distract me but pull me out of the funk that I am in.

Anyway, Vince and Mackenna started decorating but there was more to be done so that is what I have been doing today. Everyone told me that "the holidays" were going to be the hardest time of the year. Wow, "everyone" was right. I didn't expect it to be so hard. Or maybe I just expected that the actual Eve and Day would be hard but I guess I just hadn't stopped to think how hard it would be to go through the holiday stuff and see the ornaments she made, the Santa house her and I made last year while she was at the hospital or her stocking. I don't know what to do about the stocking. I want to hang it but I don't want to upset Vince and Mackenna. I guess I will not hang it and then discuss it with them at dinner tonight so it doesn't catch them off guard like it did me when I opened that box.

Last weekend, for the first time since Colleen died, a stranger (in a store) asked me how many children I had. I said two. I do have two. I will always have two and I think her stocking should always be hung. It might always make me sad and maybe one day we will change our mind but today this is how I feel.

I hope you all are well on your way to finishing your holiday decorating and it brings you only joy and not sorrow.

For me, please pray that I am able to make some progress on Striving for More next week and that I feel stronger (both physically and emotionally).

The path to our destination is not always a straight one.
We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back.
Maybe it doesn't matter which road we embark on.
Maybe what matters is that we embark.
~ Barbara Hall ~

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Making Relationships and Progress

There has been some forward momentum in my struggle to find a lawyer. Yesterday I heard from my contact at the Triangle Community Foundation. She provided me with three good attorneys in the area that have experience in this particular area of the law.

In addition, I had lunch with two people that I used to work with at Ericsson many years ago. Since leaving Ericsson, they started their own company. One of them is the CEO and the other is the CTO of their own growing company in RTP. The CEO has unfortunately been touched with cancer in his own life in several ways and therefore, is passionate about the cause. I respected him as a leader then and I still have a lot of respect for his leadership style now. I asked him if he would consider joining my journey by serving on the board and he agreed. He also suggested a couple other contacts that he is going to put me in touch with so it was a successful meeting.

The key to building a good board of directors is asking people that believe in your mission and who will be good advocates on behalf of your program. It is also good to have a group with varying expertise so that they compliment each other and learn from each other (especially during this early phase when we have so much to learn).

I have been pretty successful so far, two Oncologists have already accepted positions on the board. One here in North Carolina and one in Texas. I have asked a highly influential Pediatric Oncology Psychologist who works in Pennsylvania and she is currently considering the offer (I am hopeful she will agree soon after I get a bit further along in the process). I also have a Financial Planner and now a CEO.

CEOs are important because they not only bring their business leadership expertise, they can reach out to other CEOs for possible corporate sponsorship. I don't think the board should be too big. However, since I don't have any direct experience in fund raising, I am considering asking an experienced Development Director to join the board. I am having coffee or lunch with a few in the next couple of weeks. Commercial Real Estate is another area that I have read is possible expertise to consider. Since this is such a "calling" for me. It is very important that I surround myself with people that are very passionate about wanting to help.

I am thankful to the people that have written me wanting to help in other ways as well. I have not responded to many of those emails. It is not because I am not completely overwhelmed with gratitude. Honestly it is because I am not sure what to ask people to do quite yet. I know of a few specific things that I need to work on in order to get the legal stuff moving but when it comes to "feet on the floor" type project work, I haven't gotten to that point in my thinking. I guess that proves that I need to find a Development Director that has more experience than I do or I need to finish reading my "Nonprofits for Dummies" book, huh?

Gosh, I am sure glad that I know that God will lead me through this as I go because I am certainly on a journey of faith. I guess I need prayers of direction and discernment.

On the personal front, Mackenna's birthday is on th 9th and then Colleen's is Sunday the 14th. One of the mothers that I met at our Grief Group forwarded an email to me telling me about a workshop being held at a local church called GriefShare: Surviving the Holidays. I am not sure I will attend on her birthday but I discovered that there are several of these same workshops offered on different dates at several local churches and it would be a good thing for me to attend. I wish they offered more things like this for kids. Kids like Mackenna who I am sure is going to have a tough time too this month. Please pray for her.

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