I really miss Colleen this afternoon

Some times are worse than others. This afternoon is one of those times. I was out on Craigslist, trying to find Joomla web developers that I could ask to do pro bono work on the Striving For More website.

I found one who sounded really good. She even has pink hair. I thought I would tell her about Colleen and our cause and even about the day that we all dyed our hair pink. I thought the story would even be more moving if I added a picture to the email so I started going through my pictures when I found this one.

It is such a perfect picture taken only 8 days before she died. I have been staring at this picture and crying for at least 35 minutes. When I look at it, I feel connected to her. She seems to be looking at my soul and it is tearing my heart out.

According to the CDC, more than 2200 children die of cancer every year. This is so sad to me. I know it is scary to everyone who is a grandparent, parent, brother, sister, aunt or uncle. For anyone on this planet who has ever looked into the eye of a child.

I have heard of too many children having cancer that I know personally. It feels like the number is increasing. I did some research and the cancer incidence numbers are up but the mortality rate is down. The fact that they are making progress in the treatment is terrific and I pray that it continues. However, since the incident rate is up, it means that more children and their families will suffer through the emotional turmoil and pain of this horrible monster invading their lives.

This is what keeps me awake at night. This is what I have to figure out how to fix and it can't happen fast enough. Everyone keeps telling me that I am going "through the processes" to get the organization started faster than they expected but I feel like it is way too slow. All I can think is that with each passing day, another child lays in a bed somewhere thinking, questioning and wondering "why me?".

I need an army of volunteers and I need a key to Fort Knox. Anything less and we won't be able to move fast enough to help all of the children that will be seriously and irreversibly emotionally impacted by cancer. My logical self knows that this isn't a good way to look at this. So....

Today, I ask for prayers that the Lord give me contentment.
Contentment that I will see my beloved Colleen when He thinks the time is right.
Contentment that Striving for More grows at the speed that it is supposed to.
Contentment that other people are helping the suffering children and families while I am doing what He asks me to do each day.

However, what ever you do.... please do not ask the Lord to give me patience. (Sort of a general rule I have based on past experience.)

Just for the record, I stopped crying a long time ago. This blog is truly therapeutic and I appreciate everyone that allows me to share my life with them because it honestly helps me too.